Headstrong
by Chloe Winchester
Summary: Tag to 5.22 Dean can live without his brother. He'll be just fine...won't he? Songfic Spoilers for 5.22 My take on wth the ending was about. Please R


**-csigurl-101**, this is for you :) Enjoy! And for the rest of you, i know that songfics are SOO last year, but give it a shot, eh? :D-

**Headstrong **

_Circling your, circling your, circling your head_

He's gone.

_Contemplating everything you ever you said_

My baby brother, everything I lived for, my life. Gone. Just gone.

I didn't do what I was supposed to. I didn't protect him like I was supposed to. God, what am I going to do?

_Now I see the truth, I got doubt_

Kneeling there, looking down at the spot he had disappeared. How am I supposed to go on? I'm alone. Cas is a pile of guts. Bobby's rotting on the other side of the car. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

_A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out_

It hurts. My chest hurts more than my face, much more. More than anything else I'd felt in my life.

Even when Bobby and Cas came back it hurt. When I went back to Lisa it hurt.

_See ya later_

But I have to get over it. I need to bury it down deep until I forget about it. As long as no one says his name I'll be alright. Don't say it, don't say it.

_I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold_

I've never done well with nightmares, though.

_See inside, see inside of our heads_

I drink to make it hurt just a little less. But she sees it, she notices it. She asks me if I'm alright.

_Well now that's over. I see your motives inside, decisions to hide_

I'm fine.

_Back off I'll take you on_

I'm alright. It doesn't bother me. I put the walls up, smile and smirk and tell her I'm ok.

_Headstrong, to take on anyone_

She doesn't believe me. I know she doesn't. But she lets it go most of the time.

_I know that you are wrong, Headstrong we're headstrong. _

I can do this, I can live normally.

_Back off, I'll take you on_

So I went and took care of a Wendigo one time. It was just once!

_Headstrong, to take on anyone. I know that you are wrong_

Other than that, I kept my promise. I mowed the lawn, I watched football on Sundays, I played catch with Ben.

_And this is not where you belong_

One-hundred percent normal.

_I can't give everything away, I won't give everything away_

Normal.

_Conclusions manifest, your first impression's got to be your very best_

Some days were harder than others. If I went to clean Ben's crap out of the back of the Impala and saw that army man sticking out of the back I needed a drink. If that Bon Jovi song came on the radio I needed a few hours alone.

I'm fine.

_I see you're full of shit, and that's alright_

God, those nightmares. Those horrible, horrible nightmares. Can I take it? I got through the ones about Hell, what's so different about these?

_That's how you play, I guess you'll get through every night. Well now that's over_

I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. Sometimes I think my heart's bleeding.

She's there for me, though. Lisa's always there for me. I thank God, or Cas, or whoever, every day for her.

_I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold_

Here comes another one. His fist flying toward my face over and over again, breaking it, breaking me. It's not him, it's not him.

_See inside, inside of our heads. Well now that's over_

His hands wrapped around my throat, choking me, trying to kill me, hate in his eyes.

_I see your motives inside_

Then it changed.

He was standing in front of me, alive and well. I hugged him tight and close, thanking God he was here. And when I was out of Hell, seeing him for the first time after I'd spent decades screaming his name. Telling him it was alright when he fell off the swing and skinned his knee when he was little.

Oh God it hurt.

And then I see him there, in Hell. Being tortured just like I had been. Bleeding, screaming, being torn in those same unspeakable ways. He's screaming, _begging_ for me to help. No matter how loud I scream, no matter how fast I run I can't get to him.

And when I do, I realize I'm the one holding the knife, tearing him apart, making him bleed and cry.

_Decisions to hide_

I wake up and, not for the first time, I'm crying. I'm crying hard. Arms wrap around me, her arms, holding me close.

_Back off, I'll take you on_

It's not the embrace I wished for. It's not my baby brother, but god it helps.

_Headstrong, to take on anyone_

But I'll be alright. I'll be okay. I can do this…

_I know that you are wrong. Headstrong, we're headstrong_

You can't do this, you can't. You're not strong enough! You have to get him out, you have to try!

_Back off, I'll take you on_

No, no I promised him. I promised I wouldn't.

_Headstrong, to take on anyone_

How can you sit here while he's down there? He's having those things done to him and you aren't doing anything to stop it!

_I know that you are wrong._

I promised-

_And this is not where you belong_

Screw your promise he's YOUR BROTHER!

But I told him-

_I can't give everything away_

What would Dad say?

He would say… He would say…

_I won't give everything away_

He would say to go get him.

_I know, I know all about, I know, I know all about, I know, I know all about_

That's right, now go find him! Go do your job and SAVE HIM!

_I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide_

I can't… I can't, because I promised.

_Back off, I'll take you on_

Sitting at the table, lost in thought. Totally lost.

"Dean?" I look up at her. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Another swig of scotch.

She dishes out food and something makes me look up. The streetlight flickered.

_Headstrong_

I stared, waiting to see if I needed to run upstairs and grab the shotgun or not.

That's when I saw him.

_To take on anyone_

I stood quickly, darting for the door.

"Dean?" I ignore her.

_I know that you are wrong_

I open the door, my heart thudding hard, a smile on my face.

He's out there, I saw him!

_Headstrong, we're headstrong_

I look across the lawn and grin.

"Sammy!"

"Dean!" Her voice behind me.

_Back off, I'll take you on. Headstrong, to take on anyone_

I run toward him, not listening to her.

_I know that you are wrong, and this is not where you belong_

He smiles at me, looking just as relieved as I did.

_Where you belong_

"Dean!"

_Where you belong_

"Sammy!"

He's right there, he's right there!

_I can't give everything away._

I reach the streetlight… He's gone.

_(This is not where you belong)_

Wait, how can he be..?

"Dean?" Her hand on my shoulder.

_I won't give everything away_

"He was here," I said, pleading with her. "He was right here." Her eyes are pained.

"Dean…"

_(Where you belong)_

"…There was no one here."

**END**

- :O. Thank you. Please review-


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